Not one day goes by

It's been quite a while since my last blog. I have to admit that I really regret not having taken the time while I was still in Honduras to blog my last couple of weeks there... but they were a busy last couple of weeks and I barely have gotten a chance to breath at my new job at the Tim Horton Camp Kentahten here in Kentucky in the US of A.

Saying goodbye,(or so long for now I like to say) to Honduras was not easy at all and I certainly haven't fullen gotten over my experience..well because it wasn't one meant to get over. It was a truly amazing experience that I will carry with me wherever I go in life.

I was so very fortunate before I left Honduras to have my mother come down and visit me for about a week and a half. During her time in Honduras she was able to get to know a place that was known as home to me. Meet the people I lived with, worked with and loved. See the indescribable beauty that cannot be captured in words or pictures alone. One story that sticks out in my memory was when the 2 of us visited the Bay Island of Roatan off the North coast of Honduras. We stayed in a sweet little (air conditioned) cabin just off the main dirt road that runs along the gorgeous carribean sea and one day as we were souvenir shopping I began talking with a sweet girl named Emily, 17 years of age that I had previously met while she was working in the souvenir shop. Mom and I were interested in attending a church service that weekend so Emily extended herself and welcomed us to join her the following nights service. After Chuch the three of us filed into a van full of lap piled children and women leaving church and travelled the village streets dropping of the kids every which way until arriving back in the West End of Roatan where we then asked Emily to join us for supper. During a nice Thai meal with Emily, I became so humbled as I reflected on and translated Emily's story for my mom. Precious little Emily so kind, inviting and gracious works 7 days a week from morning till shop closes late at night and sleeps on the shop floor all just to save money for school. Emily has goals for herself and she has set out to accomplish them through thick and thin. Emily is working so hard to be able to get where she wants and so hard for the money for her education without complaint that it really made/makes me realize all the much more how privledged I am to have been born into such a fortunate life situation. It also has made me take my education all the more seriously and be so much more grateful for the excellent education I am going to receive as I head back to school this fall.

Having had my mom with me to share that experience, meet Emily, invite her along with us and to have seen everything and everyone important to me as we breathed it all in, smelt it, felt it was an experience I can never forget. To share a tid bit of my life down in Honduras with my mother meant the world to me because now when I go home and share my stories there is someone I love and trust who knows where I was and what it was like..someone who can relate. Unfortunately the absence of one who can understand my experiences down in Honduras has really taken a toll on my here at camp...but that's just part of lifes challenges and this is something I can expand on later.

However, I have to say that my last month in Honduras was an amazing send off. I couldn't have asked for a better farewell to a place and friends that I sincerely grew to love. During moms last few days in Honduras the biggest carnival of Honduras had just begun and only became more interesting and fun as the week carried on. Thousands flocked to the city of La Ceiba and everyone came out of the wood work ready to put on their dancing shoes with camera phones in one hand and a bottle of Salva Vida in the other. Every night there was a carnival in a designated street with stages for Punta music and performers, beer and food stands, local art jewelry spread out on blankets in the street, gambling and fair games, karaoke...you name it.
It was the most exciting time to be in La Ceiba as we woke up to the same question every morning..."so what's on for tonight?". The best mini carnival was actually held on my street where the party was literally brought to my front door step as volunteers, Spanish school students, interns and local friends alike gathered for drinks, conversation, dancing and good times that were carried on into the early morn. One thing that really shocked me was the sleeping bodies that lined the down town streets during carnival week as people who traveled from far distances came to sell their craft or cheap t-shirts, backpacks and other odds and ends that they had wrapped up at night to sleep on in preparation to set up early the next day eagerly awating the rush.It was really unbelievable..I have never ever seen so many bodies lined up sleeping every which way on one street before, desperate to make that extra money. Carnival was in full swing with clubs and bars a bustlin',techno dance parties on the beach, a huge parade with thousands in the streets...dancers on floats adorned in sparkly and suggestive outfits and perhaps an incident which involved us getting locked out of our apartment for the evening this was one heck of a send off.

During this time HHK also had a couple new volunteers come to work and I had the pleasure of getting to know them before I left. I excitingly welcomed the new troops in while having the chance to pass my torch down aswell, initiating the newbies into their positions. This experience definitely got me realizing how soon my time volunteering in Honduras was going to come to and end. Leaving the kids in good hands, with a program that has continualy had more or less positive progress left me in ease to some degree but let me tell you it was not easy.

In some ways I was ready to leave Honduras...it had been nearly 5 months and I was ready for a change and a new challenge but at the same time it was so hard to leave at a time where I was really and truly just coming by a strong turning point in my relationships with the kids and my spanish speaking abilities.

My going away party, known as a "despedida" was a goodbye I will never forget. The other volunteers had the children all make me individual cards and they themselves made a card aswell. The beautiful messages they all wrote will always stay in my heart and hang on my bedroom walls forever. Not only did we have the traditional delicious butter cream white icing cake but I was able to bask in a moment of sincere appreciation from the staff and the children all together at once. Their appreciation for me and the work I did and the love I gave down there and my appreciation for their love and having learned so much from them as well. An education unlike any other, something deeper, something more than I could probably learn from any book, or between classroom walls, or ever find the words to explain.

After deciding to stay the night for one last sleepover I was able to spend special one on one time with most of the children. Not only to just play and enjoy being with them but to also tell them how much I loved and appreciated them and to say that even though I was leaving them that didn't mean that I didn't care about them but just that I had to move on for my education and that I would really miss them but forever I would carry them with me in my heart and try to keep in touch the best I could. As I began to pull some of them aside to share these things with them I really couldn't help but let the tears flow, never ever wanting to let go of their precious hands.

That last night I shared with them was truly beautiful. I will treasure that memory forever. I felt so loved when I had 3 children come up to me asking for my address as a means of keeping in touch with me, their Tia. This really meant the world to me. Before saying goodnight to the girls I joined in on their night time prayers where I was touched to hear the oldest girl, Raquel of age 16 included a special farewell prayer for me thanking me for all I had done, praying for my safety in my journey home and blessing me on my route to finish my education.

After the prayers I took time to chat with one of the older girls, Rosa, 14... telling her about my future plans and goals and encouraging her to fulfill her own aswell. She is a very smart girl and I believe she truly will go places in life as she overcomes whatever challenges life throws her way. She inspires me.

With a few of the younger girls tugging and pulling on me to come lay next to them I became very emotional really checking into the reality of this special night being my last one at the Hogar. Rocking a few clinging girls as I sang Kumbaya I let go of a few tears, embracing our last moments together while flashing back on all the memorable times I had had with them. Some of these girls that I was so tightly holding onto were the girls that once had rejected me upon my first arrival and now couldn't seem to ever let me go.

The next morning Tia Stacy had all the children in the dinning hall quietly sitting for their morning announcements. This gave me the opportunity to say one final goodbye as I went around to each child to hug and kiss them goodbye. This part was the hardest as I came to one girl who was so upset with my leaving that she wouldn't hug me goodbye. That was really hard to take. I completely understood why, but at the same time I felt mad at myself that I had to leave her, leave her feeling rejected. I said goodbye to a couple of crying kids, some of the older children that I would never have expected to cry.

Leaving on my last bus back from the Hogar I was with Wilmer and Tia Nelly sitting behind me as they prepared for just another day into the city for school. For me, it was the last time to pass the Hogar, the Cacao road to the volunteer house, the canopy tour with its hot springs hiding in the jungle, the humble shacks, colourful houses, women washing clothes and men working out on the roads and the outstanding jungle and carribean sea on either side. Flashbacks of memories, precious faces with beautiful smiles, scars, wide open eyes, tears, outbursts and little monkey limbs flooded back uncontrollably.

Still today I cannot help but think of my time down there every day, every hour. Not one single day has gone by that I don't think about those truly special and precious children. Each and everyone of them is a beautiful gift from God...they just don't know it. They truly are magical vessels of strength full of potential to do great things and go far places in life. Underneath their tough and silly exteriors lies a great, great treasure that is unique and individual to them all, but all beautiful and special none the less. This treasure is a heart and soul of strength that continues to be broken, tried, and opened up over and over again. But through it all they still have learned to wake up with a smile on their faces and fight the hard fight. They all deserve the world, and I want to be able to give it to them but unfortunately I have learned I cannot do this for them. They must do it for themselves and I have to be part of a puzzle that will help them grow and blossom into the future doers of tomorrow.

Not one day goes by that I don't think about the children of the Hogar.

Homesick for Honduras.

What an experience. There really is no way to end this because we all know there is always a new beginning to one journeys ending.

This is a BEGINNING of an END.