I must have attempted writing this blog entry at least 5 times. I've been here for over a month now and so much has happened, I've experienced and felt so much that I really find it difficult knowing where to start, with what story, adventure, memory or lesson. So much is running through my mind right now...and I really want to be able to tell you all EVERYTHING...give you a better glimpse into my life here, bring you closer to all that I am experiencing...but I know that would take a light year...especially with the details I tend to give haha. I've decided I'm going to do write this entry the easiest way possible for me...and that would be free writing...no looking back ahha, whatever comes to mind...a debriefing for me, a release! So take a deep breath.....
Currently I am half way through my second week of volunteer work at the Hogar de Amor, and everything is different, and I'd say better than I expected/prepared myself for. I guess you really never know what to expect when you enter a foreign situation such as I have.
Every morning at 630 I flag down the local transportation bus, a big, old, white school bus adorned with Evangelical stickers, frequently playing loud music, the random entreprenuer selling you a dramatic parasite story along with what is probably useless medication and according to other volunteers the occasional duck you'll find sitting next to you or a pig rolling around in the back just when you think things might be getting boring...all of that along with the 35 minute bus ride that accompanies this daily adventure.
Upon entering the orphanage I'm wide awake at this time, open for lots of hugs and ready to chase around some hooligans. Myself and 2 other volunteers run the kinder program where we "teach" as much basic primary lessons as we can for the 3 youngest rascals living here in the hogar. Our main focus however is usually just trying to keep them contained, entertained and out of trouble in our sectioned off corner of the comedor, which we call the "classroom". Fortunately the wealth of childrens songs I carry with me, is a bank I draw from often with these children. Songs and games has gotten us a lot further than imagined! Never thought I'd give thanks Barney...but boy do I ever now when the children want to sing the "I love you" song over and over keeping them content!
Although the children can be a lot of work, difficult and challenging at times, with a lot to learn (and myself included!) I never stop smiling when I am with them. My first day I felt a sense of utter joy, innocence, and life return inside me that only being with children can give me. Even when Im upset with them and I have to lay down the law in the best way I know how, I can't help but smile inside thinking of everything I want to be for these children...what they mean to me already...and everything I want to give them, the world for that matter.
Hearing the stories of these childrens past truly tears apart my heart. These are children who come from homes of physical and sexual abuse, neglect, malnutrition and abandonment. It makes me feel an anger, an anger that I rarely feel and don't know what to do with at first. An anger that I have come to understand needs to be transformed into a deeper and stronger love for them. I want to erase every bad thing that has hurt them, and give them every opprotunity that they deserve. Although the Hogar isn't perfect by any means, and our organization as a whole still has a lot of growing to do...the hogar is still doing so much for these children in being a home of saftey, positive growth, lots of love, and opprotunity for a better future.
Everyday here I try to be aware of all my surroundings, and appreciate every moment, truly live in the moment, and of course "carpe diem".. I remember the advice of a former volunteer/social worker who told us that it is important to keep in mind the small successes of each day, every day there is always something that we may have learned or accomplished and no matter how big or small it is it is a success none the less. Keeping focused on our goals of the day, remembering our little sucesses keeps us focused, motivated and encouraged. This is so true. Each day I come home with a smile on my face reflecting on the days experiences, and small successes...for example, finishing a craft with our special needs child, gaining his friendship and confidence...being asked by the boys for homework help, and spending some quiet time with them playing cards, receiving a drawing from one of my students or teaching everyone a hand game or two that they want to play repeatedly over and over again! Whatever it may be that put a smile on their face, keeps me smiling all day long. Day by day creating stronger bonds with these beautiful children I can't imagine leaving them, and yet i've only known them for less than 2 weeks!
Last night was a going away party for one of our favourite volunteers, the same woman that I mentioned above. It was at our favourite local bar and restaurant - los expatriados. There I had the opprotunity to engage in entertaining and interesting conversation with our head tio and tia at the hogar along with the other volunteers. I recieved my biggest success yet in compliment form from the head tio/a Julio and Stacey. Julio, forever with a smile on his face, supportive and patient...Stacey, a young, fiery, fun, and strong woman both of whom have been through many struggles working here at the hogar since it first opened last year told me that they thought I was really good with the children, that the children like and enjoy me, the way I interact with them, and they like all the silly games I am teaching them. I really appreciated hearing their gratitude...just those few words meant so much to me to know that they feel that way and are observing those things...and to know that I am appreciated for the work I am doing here is a very positive affirmation!
I've quickly realized that upon beginning my work at the Hogar my body has been transformed into a human jungle gym where the little monkeys climb all over me, where I make every "superman" fly, juggle 2 giggling pequenos (the little ones) in my arms, bounce soccer balls off my head, play hand games cross legged on the ground, create a wall between hitting, use my lap for a time out seat, hands for blowing slimy noses and uncontrollable tickles...and lots not forget making countless silly faces and funny noises while giving and recieving endless hugs and kisses! That sounds about right!
From the first day I met the children of the Hogar I knew I would have unconditional love for them! That first day at 530 in the morning when 17 excited children greeted me with hugs, ready for our big adventure to a local paradise, the cayos cochinos islands I could see it already. They were so jacked for an experience that non of them had ever had before, and may never get to experience again. We had the most beautiful day ever...taking off in the boats on turquoise waters, lush green mountains at our back, white sand beaches on the islands, snorkling, swimming for hours upon end with little kidlets in tow. Afterwards a delicious lunch earlier prepared by staff and served under a palm thatched roof in a garifuna community (the black Carribean people), and a quick swim before heading home where every little one on our boat proceeded to fall asleep in our arms for the boat ride home, precious and tired out from their trip of a life time. That day, holding those precious children in my arms for the first time ever, on one of the most beautiful days I've ever experienced was when I first fell in love with the children of the Hogar.
...And so my love grows...along with my patience ahha!
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